Heart Catheterization

It is hard to believe but Hudson is 2 months old today.  Time is definitely flying by, and it is amazing to see how much Hudson is changing every day.  Things have been going well although we did have to go back to the hospital for a night of observation two weeks ago because his oxygen saturations were dropping.  The cardiology team wanted to evaluate him with continuous monitoring to see if we would need to move his heart cath to an earlier date.  After watching him overnight, they decided that his saturations were not dropping too low and that he was recovering from these desaturation periods fairly quickly so they wanted to keep the original cath date.  Just so you know all HLHS babies have at least two heart caths during their lives and many may have more.  The first cath is between the first and second surgeries.  It not only evaluates the function of the heart, but also is used to determine the best date for the second surgery.  In Hudson’s case, they will also be attempting to do a balloon dilation to help with the narrowing of his pulmonary artery.  We are hopeful that this will take care of the pulmonary stenosis and that he will be able to come off of the oxygen, but if not they can try to address this issue again during the second surgery.  Hudson’s heart cath is this Friday, August 23rd and we ask that you keep him in your prayers that day.  During the cath Hudson will be put to sleep and he will be on a ventilator.  He should come off the ventilator very soon after the procedure is finished.  Our sweet baby boy is definitely a fighter, and we are just so thankful for how well he is doing. 

Here are some recent pictures of Hudson.  For those of you wondering, he is on continuous oxygen but we got permission from his doctors to take off his nasal canula for some quick pictures :)

6 weeks old

7 weeks old

Heart Warrior

The Journey Home

Happy Baby

As I am writing this I am sitting at home with my beautiful baby boy, and for the first time since Hudson was born it feels like we are a normal little family.  Hudson was discharged on Sunday afternoon and we were finally able to go home with our son after almost 4 weeks in the hospital.  I thought about the day that we would be able to bring Hudson home for months before he was even born.  There were times where I was scared we might not make it to that point, but I am just so thankful that we have.  Sunday was incredible to say the least.  Obviously you now know the latest information, but let me start back from the last blog post to give you a glimpse into the past two and a half weeks. 

After the scare that we had during the first week of Hudson’s life, things began to settle down and Hudson was consistently improving.  The doctors started removing various lines and tubes as he progressed.  After being intubated for numerous days, the doctors have to do swallowing studies and other tests to check for vocal cord damage.  In addition they are assessing if the baby is swallowing without aspirating in order to be able to start oral feeding.  Hudson passed his tests and we were able to start bottle-feeding him.  We eventually moved rooms to the other side of the cardiovascular intensive care unit, which is where they place the less critical patients.  Jamey and I were thrilled because obviously this was one step closer to going home.  The week of July 8^th, things were going so well that the doctors told us that we could start rooming-in which is where we basically take care of the baby just as we would at home but obviously still under the supervision of a highly-qualified medical team.  We started this on Thursday, July 11^th and we were supposed to do this for 2 days and then tentatively scheduled to go home on Saturday, July 13^th.  On Thursday afternoon after Hudson had a session with physical therapy his oxygen saturations dropped significantly and they had to put him back on oxygen to bring it back to the normal range.  This ended up happening several more times during that night and the following day, and therefore they realized Hudson was not stable enough to think about going home.  In addition, Hudson started eating less and they had to replace his feeding tube in order to try to get him to gain weight and take his feeding goal.  Needless to say, the end of that week and the weekend were pretty stressful.  When Hudson was having these periods of oxygen desaturation, they were pretty severe and I was constantly afraid that he might have to be put back on the ventilator.  Luckily they never had to reintubate him so that was such a blessing.  As a result of these issues as well as the pulmonary hypertension problems that he had at birth, Hudson is now on continuous oxygen at home.  The doctors think that this will be temporary and that he should be able to come off oxygen completely by the time of his second surgery.  Over last week Hudson’s oxygen sats stabilized with the oxygen he was receiving, and he began to gain weight and his feeding tube was removed.  We started the rooming-in process again on Friday July 19^th and this time we were actually able to go home as scheduled on Sunday, July 21^st.  Hudson will probably have his second surgery a little earlier (probably around 3 months) due to his pulmonary complications.  Typically the second surgery is performed anywhere from 3-6 months and the third surgery occurs around 2-3 years of age.  Due to his compromised immune system and the severe risk that even a cold could pose to Hudson's health, the doctors have asked that we limit his visitors.  As a result we are only able to have family members visit him until after his second surgery.

Thank you all for your prayers and constant, unwavering support for Hudson and our entire family.  Trust me when I say that we have felt your prayers and we know that God has spoken to us through so many of you.  We thank God every moment that we were able to bring our baby home.  I think before our 20-week ultrasound I was so naïve about how many children and babies are sick, and many are hospitalized for much longer than we have been.  Please pray for all of these children because I can tell you that it is heartbreaking to see families in the hospital with their children for months, especially when some outcomes are not as promising.  We know that God has a special place in his heart for all of these children, and I can tell you from personal experience there are miracles at work at Children's Hospital.  We are excited to see what God has in store for our little miracle baby!

Psalm 73:25-26  “Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

My Heart

Hudson with Dr. Alten

Home at Last!

The First Week

I thought finding out about Hudson's heart early on would allow me to be as prepared for everything as possible.  I erroneously believed that the Norwood (Hudson's 1st open-heart surgery) surgery itself would be the most difficult part of the first hospital stay.  The Norwood was really just the beginning of an emotional roller coaster that I was not even close to being ready for.  Hudson's Norwood procedure was performed on June 27th at 2 days old.  After he was born, the doctors noticed that there was a narrowing between the right and left atrium which was was leading to an increased pressure in the pulmonary circulation.  We did not know about this prior to birth, and this was something that needed to be addressed as soon as possible after birth.  As a result, the physicians decided that it would be better to perform his Norwood procedure a few days earlier than we had originally anticipated so that they could also address this narrowing between the atria.  Jamey and I originally thought that the surgery would be around 5-6 days old and it was hard to think about your 2 day old baby having to go through so much, but it was the best option for his situation.  The surgery went very well and afterwards they have to leave the chest cavity open to allow for any swelling to subside, and then within a day or two they can close it.  On the night of June 28th they closed Hudson's chest and this ended up being the beginning of the worst  night of my life.  The chest closure itself went very well and we were able to see him as soon as they had completed the procedure.  The cardiac team seemed to be having a slightly difficult time maintaining his blood pressure and oxygen saturations however initially it didn't seem to be a dire situation.  I was still in the hospital at UAB recovering from the birth and was only allowed to be at Children's for 4 hours at a time.  After we were able to spend some time with him, I had to go back to UAB.  Jamey and I had decided prior to Hudson's birth that he would sleep in Hudson's room in the CVICU and my mom would stay with me.  It helped me feel better about not being able to be with him knowing that Jamey was there.  A few hours after I had gotten back Jamey called me around 2 AM and told me about what had been going on for the past couple of hours that I had been gone.  Apparently Hudson had gotten so bad during the night that they weren't sure he was going to make it.  At one point Jamey asked the doctors if he needed to call me so that I could come over and they said to wait so they could try one more thing to try to bring his numbers up.  Luckily their intervention was able to turn things around and Hudson came out of the crisis.  By the time Jamey called me, things were significantly improving.  I am so incredibly grateful to the team that saved Hudson's life that night (Dr. Alten, Dr. Law, Hudson's nurses Katie and Hannah, and the respiratory therapist Justin).

Within a period of 72 hours I had gone from the greatest to the worst moment of my life.  Luckily, since that night things have really gone well and Hudson has made incredible strides.  Today, July 2nd has been the best day that we have had since Hudson's surgery.  He has had almost all of his tubes and catheters removed and has been weaned off the majority of his medications.  The best thing of all is that he is now off the ventilator and doing great.  I am also going to be able to hold my baby again for the first time since the surgery.  This journey is only beginning and I now realize that every thing can change in a moment.  It might be difficult for most people to understand, but every small milestone seems like the greatest achievement ever.  Jamey and I are both eternally grateful for everyone's prayers and support for Hudson!  We can't wait to continue sharing Hudson's victories with all of you.

Hudson's Birthday

Hudson Day 5

Hudson Day 7

Welcome to the World Hudson!

Hudson came into the world at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, June 25th.  He weighs 6 lbs 2 oz and is 20 inches long.  I know I am biased, but I think he is the most beautiful and perfect baby I have ever seen.  My life has never felt so complete as it does now.  The first surgery the Norwood has been scheduled a few days earlier than we expected and is now scheduled for today, Thursday June 27th around 8:30 AM.  Please pray for Hudson this morning and all day.  The surgery will be lengthy and we will probably not know a lot of information until much later in the evening.  More pictures to come soon.

Making Sense of the Senseless

There is a lot to update everyone on since my last blog post.  It’s hard to believe, but I am 39 weeks pregnant and will be induced this coming Monday.  I can’t wait to meet our precious baby boy on either Monday or Tuesday depending on how long the process takes.  At our appointment yesterday they estimated Hudson’s weight to be about 7.5 pounds.  We also had the opportunity to meet with one of the two pediatric cardiothoracic surgeons that will perform Hudson’s heart surgeries.  Jamey and I were both extremely impressed with Dr. Dabal, and feel confident in our decision to have the surgeries at Children’s Hospital.  After Hudson’s birth, the first surgery (Norwood) will be performed within the first week of his life if there are no additional complications.  We will remain in the cardiovascular intensive care unit for a minimum of one month after he is born.  Please pray for us during the labor/delivery process since I am quite nervous with this being our first child.  Also please pray that there will be no other complications when Hudson is born. 

Hudson’s favorite activities over the past few weeks have included hiccupping, covering his face with his hands during almost every ultrasound (this little boy is quite camera shy), and trying to stretch as much as possible in my belly.  We did get one really great 4-D picture of Hudson’s face a few weeks ago.

Something that has been on my heart for the past few months is just not understanding how or why God lets things like this happen.  From the time we are children we are taught to question things.  I believe that when children are asking why, it is part of a learning process that is innate to humans.  As we get older I think many times we try to make sense of events in our lives and in the world that are impossible to make sense of.  I think one of the scariest questions that someone can ask you as a Christian is why does God let bad things happen to good people.  We try to rationalize something that frankly we do not understand.  I believe that when we are contemplating this question we think only in earthly terms and not from an eternal viewpoint.  I know that I am not perfect and that no one else is either, but I strive to do the right thing and realize that Jesus paid the price for all of my inadequacies by dying on the cross.  Some people may not agree, but I believe God understands when we have these questions because he is in no way an insecure God.  Even on the cross, Jesus called out to God and asked why have you forsaken me.  Jesus knew that God would never forsake him, but because he was bearing our sins he felt momentarily separated from God.  I haven’t felt that God has left us alone in this situation at all, but sometimes I question why. I pray every day that God will just reverse this problem and make Hudson's heart completely perfect.  Every time the doctors look at his heart on ultrasound and it hasn’t changed I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  I still hold out hope for that, but I also am hopeful that if this doesn’t happen that he can live an incredible life through the God-given talents of incredible surgeons and advancements in the field of medicine.  Some verses that have encouraged me lately are Exodus 3:13-14 where Moses is asking God what to say to the Israelites when they ask who sent him.  I love God’s answer when he says tell them "I Am" sent you.  I think this is so powerful because there are no limitations.  He feels no need to further define what he means, just simply that he is everything.  Also John 16:33 where the Lord says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I have absolutely no idea why Hudson has this heart problem and I may never understand, but I know that God is still in control.  Thank you for your prayers of healing for Hudson and our family.  It is overwhelming to know that so many people are praying in agreement for our son! 

I want to share some pictures of things that have been going on in our lives over the past couple of months, so I just want to warn you now it may be picture overload.

Hudson's Vintage Circus Nursery painted by his Daddy!

Circus Baby Shower

Couples Baby Shower

Pharmacy Friends Baby Shower

Pharmacy School Graduation/Awards Ceremony

Longing for Life's Easy Button

After I went to my last OB appointment 2 weeks ago, I was a little discouraged after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  The reality is that millions of women have gestational diabetes, and that alone wasn’t really what bothered me.  It was more the combination of everything.  I wondered why it seemed like there couldn’t be one thing that was easy.  The very next day a sweet new friend that has been through a similar situation with her child just happened to send me a message.  She shared with me a portion of a devotional book about Exodus 3:4-8 where God was speaking to Moses at the burning bush.  God said, “I have seen the affliction of my people, I have heard their prayers, surely I will heal them.”  She went on to say that God calls us to do things because a job needs to be done and that he does not call us to do the small, easy, or trivial but instead the seemingly impossible.  This entire message came to me at such a perfect time because I kept saying why can’t things just be easy, and how ironic that one of the exact words she used was “easy.”  Just so you know, she had no idea that I had a doctor’s appointment or anything new was even going on.  The timing of that was perfect because it was God’s timing.

The day after we learned about Hudson’s heart I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to go back for my amniocentesis.  As Jamey and I were waiting, a family that had just found out they were having a little girl sat down beside us.  As the couple’s other child was on the phone sharing the good news with family, I couldn’t help but get choked up when he said that the baby was 20 weeks (exactly Hudson’s age at the time) and that her heart was perfect.  I actually had to leave the waiting room because the emotions of finding out about Hudson were still so raw.  Jamey came outside to comfort me and as we were sitting on a bench together he said do you remember that apostle in the Bible that had an easy life with no challenges.  I told him no and he said that’s because there wasn’t one.  God uses people with extraordinary challenges and impossible situations.

We all have struggles and challenges in our lives and it's normal to wish there was an easy button to push for those times.  But that is when God truly teaches us what faith is.  It is easy to have faith when you are on a mountain, but the place where faith can really grow is in the valleys of life.  God promises us that he won’t give us more than we can handle, but that doesn’t mean things will always be easy.  The lesson that God is teaching me is that the most difficult things in life are usually the most beautiful.  I know that every moment with Hudson will be such a blessing.  Maybe I would have taken things for granted otherwise.  I wonder if the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and crying would have eventually seemed frustrating before.  I can tell you that it will not now.  I will cherish every sleepless night with this amazing gift from God.  Every milestone Hudson reaches will be a victory, and I can’t wait to spend my life loving him.

Happy Easter

28 weeks

I heard this song from Group 1 Crew the other day and it really touched me so I wanted to share!

The Love of a Father

Update

Thank you all for being so patient even though I haven't updated the blog in a few days.  I have been a little sick and I am just now starting to feel better.  We got some great news that the amniocentesis results were all normal.  We also had our first appointment with the maternal fetal specialist at UAB.  Hudson's heart looked pretty much as expected at this targeted ultrasound.  This physician is part of the group of high-risk OB's at UAB that will deliver Hudson.  We have another OB appointment tomorrow which I will update on next week.  Jamey and I also had the opportunity to tour the cardiac intensive care unit at Children's Hospital where Hudson will be shortly after delivery.  We were both extremely impressed with the facility as well as the staff that we met.

I also want to thank every person who has prayed, called, messaged, and thought about Hudson and our family.  We have been overwhelmed with the kindness of so many people.  Since we have started this blog we have had over 4,200 views with people in 14 different countries hearing Hudson's story. Please continue to pray for healing for our son as well as peace for our family.

A Love Letter to Our Son

Hudson,

I know I’ve spent a lot of time talking about my feelings, but I wanted you to hear about someone else very special.  I know that soon your daddy will be the most important man in your life just like he is in mine.  I can’t wait for you to meet him and know how much he already loves you.  I want you to know what an exceptional person he is and the specific qualities that make him unique.  There are a million things that I love about him, but probably what I love the most about your daddy is his selfless spirit and his desire to be an obedient servant to our Lord.  After daddy and I dated for quite some time I found out that he had donated his own bone marrow to save the life of a complete stranger.  Years later the same lady had a relapse and he donated once again.  Daddy never did that so that he could brag about it.  In fact I don’t even think he is the person that told me; he simply wanted to help someone else in need.  He also works with the Dream Center at church to help people living in underprivileged neighborhoods. Daddy is the kind of person that would help anyone.

Your daddy always has supported me in achieving whatever dreams I have for myself.  He and I will both support you throughout your life.  We believe that you can do anything!  Daddy loves us both unconditionally and forever, and we will always be able to depend on him to support our family spiritually, physically, and financially.  We are both praying for you every single day and thinking of you constantly.  As you grow up I know that you will begin to understand why your daddy is my hero, and I’m sure one day he will be your hero too!  I love you more than words can express.

Love,

Mommy

Hudson's Daddy 

Announcing the pregnancy to family