Believe In Miracles

As another season is coming to a close, I have so much to share about the past several months of our lives.  The first and most exciting thing to report is that we celebrated Hudson’s 1^st birthday at the end of June with the birthday theme Love You To The Moon And Back.  It was such an incredible joyous celebration not just about a 1^st birthday, but also of life and miracles.  I can’t even describe how special this moment was for both my husband and myself.  Before Hudson was born I prayed for this moment.  I wondered if we would ever see that day, and to have an opportunity to gather with family and friends and watch our sweet baby boy laughing, playing, and smashing his birthday cake was more than I could have ever hoped for.  Thank you Lord for performing wonders that cannot be fathomed and miracles that cannot be counted (Job 5:9).  It is truly amazing to see how far Hudson has come in the past year.

What a difference a year makes!

Hudson also had his first real vacation at the beach in July.  He loves playing in the sand and water, and was extremely fascinated with the sand crabs and fish that we saw.  He was not however a fan of the drive down (not that I can blame him).  We had a fantastic time and can’t wait to go back.

We have had the longest stretch of time between cardiologist visits, which is a great thing.  We will be going back this Thursday for a check-up, but it has been 4 months since our last appointment.  Hudson will still need a 3^rd open-heart surgery and tentatively that is being planned for sometime after his 2^nd birthday as long as things continue the way that they have been.  We are scheduled for a minor, non-heart related procedure this October with hopefully just an overnight hospital stay.  Otherwise things really could not be going much better.  Hudson has also rocked all of his developmental milestones.  We were warned that he could potentially have serious delays in both physical and mental developmental milestones due to his heart defect, but Hudson has exceeded everyone’s expectations.  He began walking at 10 months and now cannot be stopped :) He is so smart and just blows me away daily.  I’m so proud of him and proud that I was given the opportunity to be his mother.  Hudson continues to inspire me and show me how precious life is.

Hudson you are loved to the moon and back!

Weeping May Endure for a Night, but Joy Comes in the Morning

I have questioned whether or not to write this post for sometime now.  When I started this blog one of the things that was most important to me was authenticity.  I never wanted to act like that because of my faith everything about this journey was going to always end up picture perfect.  The reality is from February 5, 2013 until now I have praised, questioned, cried, and been angry at God for allowing our family to go through this.  For several months now I have experienced depression and anxiety about Hudson’s heart.  Just to preface this discussion, Hudson is doing amazingly well.  He is crawling and I’m pretty sure he will be walking very soon.  He is the most happy, sweet-spirited baby I have ever seen.  Quite honestly he couldn’t be doing any better.  It might not make any sense to people why I would now have feelings of depression when my child has made it through some of the toughest moments and is now thriving.  The truth is it doesn’t always make sense to me either.  I wasn’t sure if I should write about this because it is personal and one of those things that people just don’t talk about, but why not be real instead of just trying to act like everything is always great.  I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy, but instead trying to say that if you have ever felt like this it’s okay and you are not alone.  Also friends of people that have had children with health problems or have lost loved ones need to understand that this journey changes you forever.  I have watched my baby and countless other children go through struggles that no one should ever have to go through, but especially not children.  I wish I could erase the images in my mind, but I can’t.  I have watched my baby do so well, but I have also seen others struggle and not make it.  I have witnessed friends mourn the loss of their precious angels. 

I have the kind of personality where I get extremely emotionally involved with people.  When other families have gone through these experiences, I imagine how I would feel if it had been me because the reality is it could have just as easily been us.  To my friends and others that know people in similar situations I would just ask that you cut people some slack.  Everyone handles situations differently, but I don’t think you will ever meet someone who has had a child with a severe health problem say that they are not changed forever.  I think I was running on adrenaline for a long time and now that things have finally calmed down I have actually been able to stop and reflect on the past months.  One of the things that has given me a true sense of peace is knowing that our struggles and time on Earth is just a blink of the eye compared to our eternal life in Heaven.  I am thankful that one day Hudson’s heart will be whole and the memories of watching my precious baby struggle will forever be erased.  I am grateful that God sent his son to be crucified so that we can spend eternity with our Heavenly Father in a place where pain and suffering are no more.  After having my own child, I think I actually understand this sacrifice even more so than I ever did before.  It is horrible to watch your child suffer, but I am thankful that God loved us enough to send Jesus to suffer and die a horrific death on Earth so that we can truly live.

Hudson's 7 month photo shoot (my big boy is now 9 months old!)

Every Good & Perfect Gift

Happy Valentine’s Day!  

Hudson had a cardiologist appointment today and we received some wonderful news.  His chylothorax has finally resolved and is completely gone.  One of the reasons for the lack of blog posts lately is because the chylothorax has basically remained unchanged since November.  This is the first time since September that he has not had any residual chylothorax.  Thank you Lord for answered prayers!  We have been so blessed to be able to stay out of the hospital now for the longest amount of time in Hudson’s life.  We spent Hudson’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas with family, and just enjoyed all of the special moments with our precious baby boy. 

The past few months have had quite a few ups and downs.  Everything with Hudson has been great.  He is now 7 months old and completely on the move.  He loves walking (while holding Mommy or Daddy’s hands), playing with his furry brother and sister, and giving the sweetest baby loves I have ever seen.  Every moment with him is an incredible gift. 

Even though we have not been in the hospital lately, we still developed some close friendships with people we met while we were there.  Three CHD families we met said goodbye to their precious angels as they entered into the presence of our Lord and Savior over the past several months.  Babies W, J, and C will always hold a special place in my heart.  I cannot imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to lose a child.  These babies are true heroes and their lives inspired so many.

No one is guaranteed another day and God has just been reminding me to savor every moment.  I know that in a single heartbeat everything can change, but I am determined to treasure every moment.  Every smile, laugh, and kiss from Hudson shows me how precious life is. 

“Every good and perfect gift comes from God above” – James 1:17

First Christmas, playing with the dogs, and first snow!

Hudson loved meeting Santa Claus