Making Sense of the Senseless

There is a lot to update everyone on since my last blog post.  It’s hard to believe, but I am 39 weeks pregnant and will be induced this coming Monday.  I can’t wait to meet our precious baby boy on either Monday or Tuesday depending on how long the process takes.  At our appointment yesterday they estimated Hudson’s weight to be about 7.5 pounds.  We also had the opportunity to meet with one of the two pediatric cardiothoracic surgeons that will perform Hudson’s heart surgeries.  Jamey and I were both extremely impressed with Dr. Dabal, and feel confident in our decision to have the surgeries at Children’s Hospital.  After Hudson’s birth, the first surgery (Norwood) will be performed within the first week of his life if there are no additional complications.  We will remain in the cardiovascular intensive care unit for a minimum of one month after he is born.  Please pray for us during the labor/delivery process since I am quite nervous with this being our first child.  Also please pray that there will be no other complications when Hudson is born. 

Hudson’s favorite activities over the past few weeks have included hiccupping, covering his face with his hands during almost every ultrasound (this little boy is quite camera shy), and trying to stretch as much as possible in my belly.  We did get one really great 4-D picture of Hudson’s face a few weeks ago.

Something that has been on my heart for the past few months is just not understanding how or why God lets things like this happen.  From the time we are children we are taught to question things.  I believe that when children are asking why, it is part of a learning process that is innate to humans.  As we get older I think many times we try to make sense of events in our lives and in the world that are impossible to make sense of.  I think one of the scariest questions that someone can ask you as a Christian is why does God let bad things happen to good people.  We try to rationalize something that frankly we do not understand.  I believe that when we are contemplating this question we think only in earthly terms and not from an eternal viewpoint.  I know that I am not perfect and that no one else is either, but I strive to do the right thing and realize that Jesus paid the price for all of my inadequacies by dying on the cross.  Some people may not agree, but I believe God understands when we have these questions because he is in no way an insecure God.  Even on the cross, Jesus called out to God and asked why have you forsaken me.  Jesus knew that God would never forsake him, but because he was bearing our sins he felt momentarily separated from God.  I haven’t felt that God has left us alone in this situation at all, but sometimes I question why. I pray every day that God will just reverse this problem and make Hudson's heart completely perfect.  Every time the doctors look at his heart on ultrasound and it hasn’t changed I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  I still hold out hope for that, but I also am hopeful that if this doesn’t happen that he can live an incredible life through the God-given talents of incredible surgeons and advancements in the field of medicine.  Some verses that have encouraged me lately are Exodus 3:13-14 where Moses is asking God what to say to the Israelites when they ask who sent him.  I love God’s answer when he says tell them "I Am" sent you.  I think this is so powerful because there are no limitations.  He feels no need to further define what he means, just simply that he is everything.  Also John 16:33 where the Lord says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I have absolutely no idea why Hudson has this heart problem and I may never understand, but I know that God is still in control.  Thank you for your prayers of healing for Hudson and our family.  It is overwhelming to know that so many people are praying in agreement for our son! 

I want to share some pictures of things that have been going on in our lives over the past couple of months, so I just want to warn you now it may be picture overload.

Hudson's Vintage Circus Nursery painted by his Daddy!

Circus Baby Shower

Couples Baby Shower

Pharmacy Friends Baby Shower

Pharmacy School Graduation/Awards Ceremony