Welcome to the World Hudson!

Hudson came into the world at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, June 25th.  He weighs 6 lbs 2 oz and is 20 inches long.  I know I am biased, but I think he is the most beautiful and perfect baby I have ever seen.  My life has never felt so complete as it does now.  The first surgery the Norwood has been scheduled a few days earlier than we expected and is now scheduled for today, Thursday June 27th around 8:30 AM.  Please pray for Hudson this morning and all day.  The surgery will be lengthy and we will probably not know a lot of information until much later in the evening.  More pictures to come soon.

Making Sense of the Senseless

There is a lot to update everyone on since my last blog post.  It’s hard to believe, but I am 39 weeks pregnant and will be induced this coming Monday.  I can’t wait to meet our precious baby boy on either Monday or Tuesday depending on how long the process takes.  At our appointment yesterday they estimated Hudson’s weight to be about 7.5 pounds.  We also had the opportunity to meet with one of the two pediatric cardiothoracic surgeons that will perform Hudson’s heart surgeries.  Jamey and I were both extremely impressed with Dr. Dabal, and feel confident in our decision to have the surgeries at Children’s Hospital.  After Hudson’s birth, the first surgery (Norwood) will be performed within the first week of his life if there are no additional complications.  We will remain in the cardiovascular intensive care unit for a minimum of one month after he is born.  Please pray for us during the labor/delivery process since I am quite nervous with this being our first child.  Also please pray that there will be no other complications when Hudson is born. 

Hudson’s favorite activities over the past few weeks have included hiccupping, covering his face with his hands during almost every ultrasound (this little boy is quite camera shy), and trying to stretch as much as possible in my belly.  We did get one really great 4-D picture of Hudson’s face a few weeks ago.

Something that has been on my heart for the past few months is just not understanding how or why God lets things like this happen.  From the time we are children we are taught to question things.  I believe that when children are asking why, it is part of a learning process that is innate to humans.  As we get older I think many times we try to make sense of events in our lives and in the world that are impossible to make sense of.  I think one of the scariest questions that someone can ask you as a Christian is why does God let bad things happen to good people.  We try to rationalize something that frankly we do not understand.  I believe that when we are contemplating this question we think only in earthly terms and not from an eternal viewpoint.  I know that I am not perfect and that no one else is either, but I strive to do the right thing and realize that Jesus paid the price for all of my inadequacies by dying on the cross.  Some people may not agree, but I believe God understands when we have these questions because he is in no way an insecure God.  Even on the cross, Jesus called out to God and asked why have you forsaken me.  Jesus knew that God would never forsake him, but because he was bearing our sins he felt momentarily separated from God.  I haven’t felt that God has left us alone in this situation at all, but sometimes I question why. I pray every day that God will just reverse this problem and make Hudson's heart completely perfect.  Every time the doctors look at his heart on ultrasound and it hasn’t changed I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  I still hold out hope for that, but I also am hopeful that if this doesn’t happen that he can live an incredible life through the God-given talents of incredible surgeons and advancements in the field of medicine.  Some verses that have encouraged me lately are Exodus 3:13-14 where Moses is asking God what to say to the Israelites when they ask who sent him.  I love God’s answer when he says tell them "I Am" sent you.  I think this is so powerful because there are no limitations.  He feels no need to further define what he means, just simply that he is everything.  Also John 16:33 where the Lord says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I have absolutely no idea why Hudson has this heart problem and I may never understand, but I know that God is still in control.  Thank you for your prayers of healing for Hudson and our family.  It is overwhelming to know that so many people are praying in agreement for our son! 

I want to share some pictures of things that have been going on in our lives over the past couple of months, so I just want to warn you now it may be picture overload.

Hudson's Vintage Circus Nursery painted by his Daddy!

Circus Baby Shower

Couples Baby Shower

Pharmacy Friends Baby Shower

Pharmacy School Graduation/Awards Ceremony

Longing for Life's Easy Button

After I went to my last OB appointment 2 weeks ago, I was a little discouraged after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  The reality is that millions of women have gestational diabetes, and that alone wasn’t really what bothered me.  It was more the combination of everything.  I wondered why it seemed like there couldn’t be one thing that was easy.  The very next day a sweet new friend that has been through a similar situation with her child just happened to send me a message.  She shared with me a portion of a devotional book about Exodus 3:4-8 where God was speaking to Moses at the burning bush.  God said, “I have seen the affliction of my people, I have heard their prayers, surely I will heal them.”  She went on to say that God calls us to do things because a job needs to be done and that he does not call us to do the small, easy, or trivial but instead the seemingly impossible.  This entire message came to me at such a perfect time because I kept saying why can’t things just be easy, and how ironic that one of the exact words she used was “easy.”  Just so you know, she had no idea that I had a doctor’s appointment or anything new was even going on.  The timing of that was perfect because it was God’s timing.

The day after we learned about Hudson’s heart I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to go back for my amniocentesis.  As Jamey and I were waiting, a family that had just found out they were having a little girl sat down beside us.  As the couple’s other child was on the phone sharing the good news with family, I couldn’t help but get choked up when he said that the baby was 20 weeks (exactly Hudson’s age at the time) and that her heart was perfect.  I actually had to leave the waiting room because the emotions of finding out about Hudson were still so raw.  Jamey came outside to comfort me and as we were sitting on a bench together he said do you remember that apostle in the Bible that had an easy life with no challenges.  I told him no and he said that’s because there wasn’t one.  God uses people with extraordinary challenges and impossible situations.

We all have struggles and challenges in our lives and it's normal to wish there was an easy button to push for those times.  But that is when God truly teaches us what faith is.  It is easy to have faith when you are on a mountain, but the place where faith can really grow is in the valleys of life.  God promises us that he won’t give us more than we can handle, but that doesn’t mean things will always be easy.  The lesson that God is teaching me is that the most difficult things in life are usually the most beautiful.  I know that every moment with Hudson will be such a blessing.  Maybe I would have taken things for granted otherwise.  I wonder if the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and crying would have eventually seemed frustrating before.  I can tell you that it will not now.  I will cherish every sleepless night with this amazing gift from God.  Every milestone Hudson reaches will be a victory, and I can’t wait to spend my life loving him.

Happy Easter

28 weeks

I heard this song from Group 1 Crew the other day and it really touched me so I wanted to share!

The Love of a Father

Update

Thank you all for being so patient even though I haven't updated the blog in a few days.  I have been a little sick and I am just now starting to feel better.  We got some great news that the amniocentesis results were all normal.  We also had our first appointment with the maternal fetal specialist at UAB.  Hudson's heart looked pretty much as expected at this targeted ultrasound.  This physician is part of the group of high-risk OB's at UAB that will deliver Hudson.  We have another OB appointment tomorrow which I will update on next week.  Jamey and I also had the opportunity to tour the cardiac intensive care unit at Children's Hospital where Hudson will be shortly after delivery.  We were both extremely impressed with the facility as well as the staff that we met.

I also want to thank every person who has prayed, called, messaged, and thought about Hudson and our family.  We have been overwhelmed with the kindness of so many people.  Since we have started this blog we have had over 4,200 views with people in 14 different countries hearing Hudson's story. Please continue to pray for healing for our son as well as peace for our family.

A Love Letter to Our Son

Hudson,

I know I’ve spent a lot of time talking about my feelings, but I wanted you to hear about someone else very special.  I know that soon your daddy will be the most important man in your life just like he is in mine.  I can’t wait for you to meet him and know how much he already loves you.  I want you to know what an exceptional person he is and the specific qualities that make him unique.  There are a million things that I love about him, but probably what I love the most about your daddy is his selfless spirit and his desire to be an obedient servant to our Lord.  After daddy and I dated for quite some time I found out that he had donated his own bone marrow to save the life of a complete stranger.  Years later the same lady had a relapse and he donated once again.  Daddy never did that so that he could brag about it.  In fact I don’t even think he is the person that told me; he simply wanted to help someone else in need.  He also works with the Dream Center at church to help people living in underprivileged neighborhoods. Daddy is the kind of person that would help anyone.

Your daddy always has supported me in achieving whatever dreams I have for myself.  He and I will both support you throughout your life.  We believe that you can do anything!  Daddy loves us both unconditionally and forever, and we will always be able to depend on him to support our family spiritually, physically, and financially.  We are both praying for you every single day and thinking of you constantly.  As you grow up I know that you will begin to understand why your daddy is my hero, and I’m sure one day he will be your hero too!  I love you more than words can express.

Love,

Mommy

Hudson's Daddy 

Announcing the pregnancy to family

When We are Weak, He is Strong

Macmillan Dictionary defines strength as the ability of something to support a force or weight without breaking.  Accepting the diagnosis of HLHS for Hudson is like a weight I cannot even begin to explain.  I wish I could say that as each day goes by it gets easier, but honestly it's not true.  Every day brings tears, but also joys like feeling my sweet baby boy kicking or moving around.

In many ways I am a very weak person.  I am scared of silly things like heights, but I am also scared of much bigger things like cancer.  When I hear about people going through immense struggles in their lives the first thing I think is how sorry I am that they are going through such difficult circumstances, but usually the second thought is I'm not sure I could do it.  If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I could handle something like this I would have said no way.  The truth is even today if I were alone I couldn't do it.  My husband and I have a wonderful support system in our family, friends, and church, but even those people wouldn't be enough.  The only reason we are strong enough to handle this is because our Lord is carrying us in our weakness.

I have always loved the story about the footprints in the sand.  One night a man had a dream.  He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.  Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.  For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:  one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.  When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.  He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.  He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.  This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it:  "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.  But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.  I don't understand why when I needed you the most you would leave me."  The Lord replied:  "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.  During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

We were never promised that this life would be easy, but what we were promised is that God would never abandon us.  Of course I am still scared, but I know that someone bigger than myself is in control.  Even this can be difficult for a control freak like myself.  One more thing that really scares me is that people will over time forget about Hudson's story and the prayers will eventually stop.  Please continue to pray for my son long-term.  Although we do not know how Hudson's story will play out, we do believe that God has something big in mind.

     I have attached this video which is a song called "Breaking My Fall" by Jeremy Camp that has a beautiful message about true strength.

Happy Valentine's Hudson!

22 weeks

A Baby's Heart and a Mother's Heartache

I wanted to start this blog to keep family and friends updated and also to allow the life of our precious baby Hudson to inspire others.  I plan on being very candid about the journey and raw emotions that come along with finding out that your baby has a congenital heart defect, as well as how our faith in Jesus Christ is helping us turn tragedy into triumph.

For those of you reading who do not know our story, I want to start at the beginning.  My husband and I struggled with infertility for 2 years before getting pregnant with Hudson.  It is heartbreaking to want a child so badly while watching so many others effortlessly have the one thing you want the most.  In no way was I anything but happy for people that were blessed with children, it was more just sadness for my husband and me.  In October 2012 we received the wonderful news we had waited so long to hear; we were pregnant with our first child.  We announced the pregnancy to our family at Thanksgiving and later sent out Christmas cards to let our friends know the good news.

All of our initial appointments with our reproductive endocrinologist and OB were great.  The baby was always very active at each ultrasound and the heartbeat was perfect.  On February 5th at our 20 week appointment everything seemed fine until the doctor came in and said that the ultrasound tech thought she saw fluid around the baby's heart and that my umbilical cord was 2 vessels instead of 3.  She said that everything still might be fine but we would need to see a fetal maternal specialist just in case.  Call it a mother's instinct, but I immediately knew something was very wrong.  After we saw the specialist he said that the baby had critical aortic stenosis.  This is where the aortic valve is so narrowed that the left ventricle is having to work too hard because of the high pressure it must overcome in order to pass the blood through such a narrow opening and deliver the blood to the rest of the body.  He told us about a clinical trial in Boston that is looking at a surgery that is performed on the baby's heart in utero.  Basically the surgeons try to put a balloon in the baby's heart which at this point is about the size of a grape.  This would open up the aorta and hopefully prevent the left ventricle from becoming so damaged that it is no longer functional (a condition known as hypoplastic left heart syndrome or HLHS).  He sent our information to Boston Children's Hospital, one of the premier pediatric cardiology centers in the country and one of the few places that performs fetal interventions, to see if we would qualify to be enrolled in the study.  Unfortunately the next day he called us back and said that Boston believed Hudson's heart was too damaged and that he would probably develop HLHS with or without the surgery.  When we found out we didn't qualify for the surgery I felt like all hope was gone, but God quickly showed me I was wrong.

After talking with some of my family, may aunt offered to call her next door neighbor who was a pediatric cardiologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB).  We ended up getting an appointment with him the following afternoon.  During the appointment Dr. Rob Romp confirmed the diagnosis of critical aortic stenosis and he also said that Hudson already had developed HLHS.  He basically at this point said once Hudson is born we have 3 options:  do no interventions, try to get a heart transplant, or consider a 3 surgery option that allows the right side of the heart to pump blood to the entire body instead of just the lungs.  Right now our plan is to proceed with the 3 surgery option which you can read about here AHA HLHS.  It doesn't seem like there are a lot of worse things than a doctor basically telling you that when your child is born, he will be born with only half of a functioning heart.  But as he spoke with us longer he told us that they have many patients that are thriving after undergoing these procedures.  Since the 1st surgery, the Norwood Procedure, was developed in the 80's, the oldest living survivors are late 20's or early 30's.  We had so many questions, but Dr. Romp never made us feel rushed.  Honestly he couldn't have been more compassionate.  When we left the office around 5:40 on Thursday night all of the office staff was gone.  As he walked us out of the office, my husband and I left with a sense of hope that maybe our sweet Hudson could survive this.

Currently we are still awaiting the remainder of the results from the amniocentesis that was performed, as well as getting appointments with some of the other specialists at UAB which is where we will deliver and where Hudson will have his surgeries.  This has been the most difficult week of my life, but I believe God gave us this special baby for a reason.  We are still praying for a miracle that God will heal our baby boy's heart, but we also know that God may answer our prayers differently than what we are expecting.  We both love Hudson so much already.  I wish his heart was not damaged, but I would not want any other baby because he is meant to be ours and I believe that God has great plans for this sweet baby.  Please pray for our son Hudson as well as for us to make the best decisions for our little boy.  If you would like to stay updated on our journey, please subscribe or bookmark our blog for weekly updates.