Love, Sweet Love

It has been awhile since I have blogged because the status of Hudson's complication from his 2nd open heart surgery seemed to change almost daily.  Since September 23rd (Glenn surgery date), Hudson has had a heart cath, a pleurodesis, 5 chest tubes, and at least 5 hospitalizations with over 30 days spent in the hospital.  We had a cardiologist appointment this past Thursday and will most likely continue the weekly appointments until we are sure that his chylothorax does not start reaccumulating.  Fortunately Dr. Romp (cardiologist) said on Thursday that he thought things looked pretty good and he was hopeful that maybe the small pockets of effusion which still remain will gradually just be reabsorbed into the body over time instead of getting larger.  We are still not completely over this hurdle, but hopefully the worst is behind us.  We are hoping that we can stay out of the hospital for awhile and that Hudson can celebrate Thanksgiving as his first holiday at home :)  Hudson is now 4 months old and cuter than ever.  He is laughing, cooing, rolling over, and getting close to sitting up by himself.  Thank you for continuing to pray for healing for Hudson.  There are also many others at Children's who need your prayers so please keep them in your thoughts as well.

I also wanted to tell you about a really neat thing that happened while we were in the hospital last week.  Regions Bank sponsored what is called a "Cheeriodicals Day" at Children's Hospital, where as a part of their community service, they gave every child in the hospital (360) a big green box of "cheer" tailored to boys or girls and filled with age appropriate gifts.  Also MoveDaddy.com delivered all the boxes to the hospital.  I can tell you that my face lit up when Hudson got his box full of goodies and I know it did for many other patients as well.  People don't always hear about good things that happen in the news, but for so many sick children this was such a special treat!  Big thank you to Regions Bank for making Hudson's day!

Just a few of the goodies from Hudson's Cheeriodical Box!

Meeting cousins for the 1st time, FaceTime for Great Grandaddy's 91st birthday, Sweet Smiles

Love Letter to my Son

Hudson,

My beautiful 4-month old precious baby I am so glad to have you back home again.  The past couple of months have been so hard and it hurts my heart every time that you stare at me in the hospital when they are about to do something to you.  There have been so many times where I just want to grab you and run out of there forever.  I know it is all necessary and every measure that is taken is to give you the most incredible life that children born 32 years ago with HLHS wouldn’t have even had the chance to know.  Every day I thank God that this incredible 3-step surgical intervention was invented so that I can spend my life loving you.  I hope that you never remember any of this, but when you get older I pray that you look back at what you have gone through with pride and awe for being braver and stronger than most people are ever called to be. 

One of my favorite times together is when I am rocking you to sleep for the night.  A quiet moment with just the two of us, I feel a sense of peace and gratitude for getting the chance to know you and be inspired by you.  You are the best part of me:  my love, my heart, my world.  I consider you my greatest accomplishment and the most incredible person I have ever known.  You are a warrior and a fighter.  Please don’t mistake that you are defined by your heart, because there is so much more to you than that.  You have such a sweet spirit, always smiling when you are feeling good.  When I look into your eyes it is like you are staring into the very depths of my soul.  I love the way that you sometimes get shy and put your hands up in front of your mouth to hide when you are smiling at people.  From day 1 you have had this inquisitive personality that surprised everyone who came in contact with you.  Those cute eyebrows would furrow and they would say that you were taking note of everything that was going on.  I’m not surprised one bit because you are so smart.  I am so proud of you and in many ways consider it ironic that such a strong boy could be born to such a weak mother.  I learn something from you every day, but maybe the most important lesson I have learned is that of courage and enjoying every moment that the Lord has blessed us with.

Your daddy and I love you more than you will ever know, but you are loved even more by the one that created you.  He knew everything about you before you were even born and made you completely unique from everyone else (Jeremiah 1:5).  From the very beginning I have prayed that God would use your story to touch others, but maybe you have touched me the most.  Your beautiful heart has forever changed mine. 

All of my love today and forever,

Mommy

Our Little Monkey Goes Back to the Cath Lab

After we were discharged from the hospital following Hudson’s Glenn surgery, he started acting unusual.  By Tuesday we knew something was wrong and we brought him back to the hospital and were readmitted on Wednesday October 2^nd, just 4 days after we had gone home.  We have been in the hospital ever since because they discovered that Hudson had a type of pleural effusion known as a chylothorax, which can be a complication from pediatric cardiac surgeries.  The medical team placed a chest tube on Wednesday and then started treating the chylothorax by changing the diet.  Hudson was transitioned from fortified breastmilk to a special low-fat formula.  He had an unusual adverse reaction to that formula and so he was switched to another brand.  They had hoped this would resolve the chylothorax, but unfortunately it has not.  The physicians have decided to perform a heart cath today to check for clots as well as look at the pressures in the heart and pulmonary arteries.  I’m sorry I have not updated the blog sooner, but this has been an incredibly stressful 2 weeks with lots of questions and few answers.  Please pray for Hudson today during his heart cath (he is the 3^rd case so it may be around 11-12am) as well as that the chylothorax will resolve.

Can we go home Mom?

Sweet sock monkey baby

Post-Op Day 7

One week ago today Hudson had his 2^nd open-heart surgery.  The Glenn surgery went extremely well and we were discharged on Saturday, September 28^th just 5 days after his surgery.  On the day of surgery we arrived at the hospital around 6 am and they took Hudson back into the surgical suite around 8 am.  The surgery ended up starting several hours later than originally planned because there were some issues with the cross-typing of the blood products that would be needed for transfusions during surgery.  Once the surgery started it lasted several hours, and Jamey and I were finally able to go back to see Hudson around 3:30 pm.  When we got in the CVICU room, they were trying to wean him off of the ventilator and luckily he got off within probably an hour after we went back to his room.  During the extubation process they have to drastically decrease the level of sedation as well as the use of certain pain medications that can cause respiratory depression.  It’s hard to see Hudson on the ventilator because I know he is uncomfortable and there is just nothing I can do about it.  His blood pressure was running high during this time, which is expected after surgery, but can also signal pain and discomfort.  They started some additional antihypertensive meds that did not really seem to make a big difference so they gave him morphine which did help decrease his blood pressure some.  Hudson’s favorite song is You Are My Sunshine, which I sing to him all the time at home.  I wanted to comfort him and let him know that we were with him so I started singing to him and his blood pressure started dropping immediately.  I’m sure his nurse probably got so tired of me singing that song to him over and over again, especially considering that I am not a great singer to begin with.  Honestly I could have continued singing to him for hours, but after he was extubated he was so exhausted that he went to sleep for several hours.  We stayed in the CVICU through Wednesday and then went to the CCU, a step-down unit, through Saturday.

This surgery was so much better than the Norwood.  During our month-long hospital stay after the Norwood, all of the nurses told me the Glenn would be so different.  Even though I believed them, I still thought that there was nothing easy about a major open-heart surgery.  Luckily in many ways they were right.  Only 1 day on the ventilator, less than a 1 week hospital stay, and a closed chest coming out of surgery made this experience as uneventful as I guess open-heart surgery can be.  Another miracle that happened in the past week is that Hudson was finally able to come off oxygen for the first time in his life.

Last Tuesday was Hudson’s 3-month birthday.  He has brought so much joy to our lives over the past 3 months and it’s hard to remember life before him.  We are so grateful to Hudson’s pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon, Dr. Dabal, for performing another successful surgery.  Before Dr. Dabal was recruited to UAB/Children’s Hospital, they did not even perform the Norwood procedure here.  Babies that needed this life-sustaining surgery were sent to other pediatric cardiac centers across the country.  Dr. Dabal was recruited to start performing the Norwood as well as other heart surgeries at Children’s.  God has blessed Hudson's entire medical team with such incredible skill and talent.  Since Hudson has been born I’ve often wondered how do you thank someone for saving your baby’s life.  Nothing I can ever say will be enough, but we are so thankful to Dr. Dabal, Dr. Romp, Dr. Alten and countless others for giving us the opportunity to not only celebrate Hudson’s 3-month birthday, but also a lifetime of birthdays.  

One of the verses in Psalm 30 has been on my mind over the week.  Psalm 30:5 says weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning.  Inevitably it is easier to see the joy that comes when things go the way that you want them to, but even when they do not, God is still in control.  For some joy may come sooner than for others, but either way we have a promise of joy that will eventually come.  Even in the most difficult moments of life, God never abandons us.

Sponge bath after coming home from the hospital

Glad to be home

The Glenn

Since the heart cath procedure Hudson has been doing well.  Unfortunately the balloon dilation of the pulmonary arteries did not make enough of a change to get Hudson off oxygen, but we are hopeful that he will after this next surgery.  Originally the 2^nd heart surgery (Glenn) was going to be scheduled for the middle of October.  However we have had a couple of situations where Hudson’s oxygen sats were dropping and we were hospitalized for several days.  Since this seemed to be happening more frequently, the doctors decided it was best to move his surgery up.  Hudson will be having his Glenn surgery tomorrow, September 23^rd.  The surgery should last anywhere from 4-6 hours and we will probably be in the hospital for 1-2 weeks if things go well. 

When I was pregnant, I had been introduced to another mom with a HLHS baby.  Her child was having his Glenn towards the end of my pregnancy, and I remember thinking how it must feel to watch your child go through another major surgery so soon.  I knew I would dread it and I have to say that I do.  Even though this surgery is not typically as critical as the 1^st surgery (Norwood), it is still major open heart surgery.  Obviously I am scared and wish I could go through it for him or just take the whole experience away.  All those memories of the ups and downs of the 1^st surgery come flooding back, and it’s hard to believe we have to do it all over again.

Hudson is so blessed to have had incredible medical care throughout his life.  His physicians not only possess a wealth of knowledge, but also truly stand beside our family as we have gone through this process.  During our last doctor's appointment prior to his Glen, our pediatrician Dr. Brian Dudgeon asked if he could pray with us.  It is awesome to have people of such great character caring for our baby.  Please pray for Hudson tomorrow during his surgery (we are the 1^st case so it should start around 7-8) as well as during his recovery and his medical team.  We covet your prayers and believe that prayer is powerful.  I’ve said it before, but it is incredible to know that there are so many people praying for Hudson.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart – Psalm 34:18

Heart Catheterization

It is hard to believe but Hudson is 2 months old today.  Time is definitely flying by, and it is amazing to see how much Hudson is changing every day.  Things have been going well although we did have to go back to the hospital for a night of observation two weeks ago because his oxygen saturations were dropping.  The cardiology team wanted to evaluate him with continuous monitoring to see if we would need to move his heart cath to an earlier date.  After watching him overnight, they decided that his saturations were not dropping too low and that he was recovering from these desaturation periods fairly quickly so they wanted to keep the original cath date.  Just so you know all HLHS babies have at least two heart caths during their lives and many may have more.  The first cath is between the first and second surgeries.  It not only evaluates the function of the heart, but also is used to determine the best date for the second surgery.  In Hudson’s case, they will also be attempting to do a balloon dilation to help with the narrowing of his pulmonary artery.  We are hopeful that this will take care of the pulmonary stenosis and that he will be able to come off of the oxygen, but if not they can try to address this issue again during the second surgery.  Hudson’s heart cath is this Friday, August 23rd and we ask that you keep him in your prayers that day.  During the cath Hudson will be put to sleep and he will be on a ventilator.  He should come off the ventilator very soon after the procedure is finished.  Our sweet baby boy is definitely a fighter, and we are just so thankful for how well he is doing. 

Here are some recent pictures of Hudson.  For those of you wondering, he is on continuous oxygen but we got permission from his doctors to take off his nasal canula for some quick pictures :)

6 weeks old

7 weeks old

Heart Warrior

The Journey Home

Happy Baby

As I am writing this I am sitting at home with my beautiful baby boy, and for the first time since Hudson was born it feels like we are a normal little family.  Hudson was discharged on Sunday afternoon and we were finally able to go home with our son after almost 4 weeks in the hospital.  I thought about the day that we would be able to bring Hudson home for months before he was even born.  There were times where I was scared we might not make it to that point, but I am just so thankful that we have.  Sunday was incredible to say the least.  Obviously you now know the latest information, but let me start back from the last blog post to give you a glimpse into the past two and a half weeks. 

After the scare that we had during the first week of Hudson’s life, things began to settle down and Hudson was consistently improving.  The doctors started removing various lines and tubes as he progressed.  After being intubated for numerous days, the doctors have to do swallowing studies and other tests to check for vocal cord damage.  In addition they are assessing if the baby is swallowing without aspirating in order to be able to start oral feeding.  Hudson passed his tests and we were able to start bottle-feeding him.  We eventually moved rooms to the other side of the cardiovascular intensive care unit, which is where they place the less critical patients.  Jamey and I were thrilled because obviously this was one step closer to going home.  The week of July 8^th, things were going so well that the doctors told us that we could start rooming-in which is where we basically take care of the baby just as we would at home but obviously still under the supervision of a highly-qualified medical team.  We started this on Thursday, July 11^th and we were supposed to do this for 2 days and then tentatively scheduled to go home on Saturday, July 13^th.  On Thursday afternoon after Hudson had a session with physical therapy his oxygen saturations dropped significantly and they had to put him back on oxygen to bring it back to the normal range.  This ended up happening several more times during that night and the following day, and therefore they realized Hudson was not stable enough to think about going home.  In addition, Hudson started eating less and they had to replace his feeding tube in order to try to get him to gain weight and take his feeding goal.  Needless to say, the end of that week and the weekend were pretty stressful.  When Hudson was having these periods of oxygen desaturation, they were pretty severe and I was constantly afraid that he might have to be put back on the ventilator.  Luckily they never had to reintubate him so that was such a blessing.  As a result of these issues as well as the pulmonary hypertension problems that he had at birth, Hudson is now on continuous oxygen at home.  The doctors think that this will be temporary and that he should be able to come off oxygen completely by the time of his second surgery.  Over last week Hudson’s oxygen sats stabilized with the oxygen he was receiving, and he began to gain weight and his feeding tube was removed.  We started the rooming-in process again on Friday July 19^th and this time we were actually able to go home as scheduled on Sunday, July 21^st.  Hudson will probably have his second surgery a little earlier (probably around 3 months) due to his pulmonary complications.  Typically the second surgery is performed anywhere from 3-6 months and the third surgery occurs around 2-3 years of age.  Due to his compromised immune system and the severe risk that even a cold could pose to Hudson's health, the doctors have asked that we limit his visitors.  As a result we are only able to have family members visit him until after his second surgery.

Thank you all for your prayers and constant, unwavering support for Hudson and our entire family.  Trust me when I say that we have felt your prayers and we know that God has spoken to us through so many of you.  We thank God every moment that we were able to bring our baby home.  I think before our 20-week ultrasound I was so naïve about how many children and babies are sick, and many are hospitalized for much longer than we have been.  Please pray for all of these children because I can tell you that it is heartbreaking to see families in the hospital with their children for months, especially when some outcomes are not as promising.  We know that God has a special place in his heart for all of these children, and I can tell you from personal experience there are miracles at work at Children's Hospital.  We are excited to see what God has in store for our little miracle baby!

Psalm 73:25-26  “Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

My Heart

Hudson with Dr. Alten

Home at Last!

The First Week

I thought finding out about Hudson's heart early on would allow me to be as prepared for everything as possible.  I erroneously believed that the Norwood (Hudson's 1st open-heart surgery) surgery itself would be the most difficult part of the first hospital stay.  The Norwood was really just the beginning of an emotional roller coaster that I was not even close to being ready for.  Hudson's Norwood procedure was performed on June 27th at 2 days old.  After he was born, the doctors noticed that there was a narrowing between the right and left atrium which was was leading to an increased pressure in the pulmonary circulation.  We did not know about this prior to birth, and this was something that needed to be addressed as soon as possible after birth.  As a result, the physicians decided that it would be better to perform his Norwood procedure a few days earlier than we had originally anticipated so that they could also address this narrowing between the atria.  Jamey and I originally thought that the surgery would be around 5-6 days old and it was hard to think about your 2 day old baby having to go through so much, but it was the best option for his situation.  The surgery went very well and afterwards they have to leave the chest cavity open to allow for any swelling to subside, and then within a day or two they can close it.  On the night of June 28th they closed Hudson's chest and this ended up being the beginning of the worst  night of my life.  The chest closure itself went very well and we were able to see him as soon as they had completed the procedure.  The cardiac team seemed to be having a slightly difficult time maintaining his blood pressure and oxygen saturations however initially it didn't seem to be a dire situation.  I was still in the hospital at UAB recovering from the birth and was only allowed to be at Children's for 4 hours at a time.  After we were able to spend some time with him, I had to go back to UAB.  Jamey and I had decided prior to Hudson's birth that he would sleep in Hudson's room in the CVICU and my mom would stay with me.  It helped me feel better about not being able to be with him knowing that Jamey was there.  A few hours after I had gotten back Jamey called me around 2 AM and told me about what had been going on for the past couple of hours that I had been gone.  Apparently Hudson had gotten so bad during the night that they weren't sure he was going to make it.  At one point Jamey asked the doctors if he needed to call me so that I could come over and they said to wait so they could try one more thing to try to bring his numbers up.  Luckily their intervention was able to turn things around and Hudson came out of the crisis.  By the time Jamey called me, things were significantly improving.  I am so incredibly grateful to the team that saved Hudson's life that night (Dr. Alten, Dr. Law, Hudson's nurses Katie and Hannah, and the respiratory therapist Justin).

Within a period of 72 hours I had gone from the greatest to the worst moment of my life.  Luckily, since that night things have really gone well and Hudson has made incredible strides.  Today, July 2nd has been the best day that we have had since Hudson's surgery.  He has had almost all of his tubes and catheters removed and has been weaned off the majority of his medications.  The best thing of all is that he is now off the ventilator and doing great.  I am also going to be able to hold my baby again for the first time since the surgery.  This journey is only beginning and I now realize that every thing can change in a moment.  It might be difficult for most people to understand, but every small milestone seems like the greatest achievement ever.  Jamey and I are both eternally grateful for everyone's prayers and support for Hudson!  We can't wait to continue sharing Hudson's victories with all of you.

Hudson's Birthday

Hudson Day 5

Hudson Day 7

Welcome to the World Hudson!

Hudson came into the world at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, June 25th.  He weighs 6 lbs 2 oz and is 20 inches long.  I know I am biased, but I think he is the most beautiful and perfect baby I have ever seen.  My life has never felt so complete as it does now.  The first surgery the Norwood has been scheduled a few days earlier than we expected and is now scheduled for today, Thursday June 27th around 8:30 AM.  Please pray for Hudson this morning and all day.  The surgery will be lengthy and we will probably not know a lot of information until much later in the evening.  More pictures to come soon.

Making Sense of the Senseless

There is a lot to update everyone on since my last blog post.  It’s hard to believe, but I am 39 weeks pregnant and will be induced this coming Monday.  I can’t wait to meet our precious baby boy on either Monday or Tuesday depending on how long the process takes.  At our appointment yesterday they estimated Hudson’s weight to be about 7.5 pounds.  We also had the opportunity to meet with one of the two pediatric cardiothoracic surgeons that will perform Hudson’s heart surgeries.  Jamey and I were both extremely impressed with Dr. Dabal, and feel confident in our decision to have the surgeries at Children’s Hospital.  After Hudson’s birth, the first surgery (Norwood) will be performed within the first week of his life if there are no additional complications.  We will remain in the cardiovascular intensive care unit for a minimum of one month after he is born.  Please pray for us during the labor/delivery process since I am quite nervous with this being our first child.  Also please pray that there will be no other complications when Hudson is born. 

Hudson’s favorite activities over the past few weeks have included hiccupping, covering his face with his hands during almost every ultrasound (this little boy is quite camera shy), and trying to stretch as much as possible in my belly.  We did get one really great 4-D picture of Hudson’s face a few weeks ago.

Something that has been on my heart for the past few months is just not understanding how or why God lets things like this happen.  From the time we are children we are taught to question things.  I believe that when children are asking why, it is part of a learning process that is innate to humans.  As we get older I think many times we try to make sense of events in our lives and in the world that are impossible to make sense of.  I think one of the scariest questions that someone can ask you as a Christian is why does God let bad things happen to good people.  We try to rationalize something that frankly we do not understand.  I believe that when we are contemplating this question we think only in earthly terms and not from an eternal viewpoint.  I know that I am not perfect and that no one else is either, but I strive to do the right thing and realize that Jesus paid the price for all of my inadequacies by dying on the cross.  Some people may not agree, but I believe God understands when we have these questions because he is in no way an insecure God.  Even on the cross, Jesus called out to God and asked why have you forsaken me.  Jesus knew that God would never forsake him, but because he was bearing our sins he felt momentarily separated from God.  I haven’t felt that God has left us alone in this situation at all, but sometimes I question why. I pray every day that God will just reverse this problem and make Hudson's heart completely perfect.  Every time the doctors look at his heart on ultrasound and it hasn’t changed I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  I still hold out hope for that, but I also am hopeful that if this doesn’t happen that he can live an incredible life through the God-given talents of incredible surgeons and advancements in the field of medicine.  Some verses that have encouraged me lately are Exodus 3:13-14 where Moses is asking God what to say to the Israelites when they ask who sent him.  I love God’s answer when he says tell them "I Am" sent you.  I think this is so powerful because there are no limitations.  He feels no need to further define what he means, just simply that he is everything.  Also John 16:33 where the Lord says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I have absolutely no idea why Hudson has this heart problem and I may never understand, but I know that God is still in control.  Thank you for your prayers of healing for Hudson and our family.  It is overwhelming to know that so many people are praying in agreement for our son! 

I want to share some pictures of things that have been going on in our lives over the past couple of months, so I just want to warn you now it may be picture overload.

Hudson's Vintage Circus Nursery painted by his Daddy!

Circus Baby Shower

Couples Baby Shower

Pharmacy Friends Baby Shower

Pharmacy School Graduation/Awards Ceremony

Longing for Life's Easy Button

After I went to my last OB appointment 2 weeks ago, I was a little discouraged after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  The reality is that millions of women have gestational diabetes, and that alone wasn’t really what bothered me.  It was more the combination of everything.  I wondered why it seemed like there couldn’t be one thing that was easy.  The very next day a sweet new friend that has been through a similar situation with her child just happened to send me a message.  She shared with me a portion of a devotional book about Exodus 3:4-8 where God was speaking to Moses at the burning bush.  God said, “I have seen the affliction of my people, I have heard their prayers, surely I will heal them.”  She went on to say that God calls us to do things because a job needs to be done and that he does not call us to do the small, easy, or trivial but instead the seemingly impossible.  This entire message came to me at such a perfect time because I kept saying why can’t things just be easy, and how ironic that one of the exact words she used was “easy.”  Just so you know, she had no idea that I had a doctor’s appointment or anything new was even going on.  The timing of that was perfect because it was God’s timing.

The day after we learned about Hudson’s heart I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to go back for my amniocentesis.  As Jamey and I were waiting, a family that had just found out they were having a little girl sat down beside us.  As the couple’s other child was on the phone sharing the good news with family, I couldn’t help but get choked up when he said that the baby was 20 weeks (exactly Hudson’s age at the time) and that her heart was perfect.  I actually had to leave the waiting room because the emotions of finding out about Hudson were still so raw.  Jamey came outside to comfort me and as we were sitting on a bench together he said do you remember that apostle in the Bible that had an easy life with no challenges.  I told him no and he said that’s because there wasn’t one.  God uses people with extraordinary challenges and impossible situations.

We all have struggles and challenges in our lives and it's normal to wish there was an easy button to push for those times.  But that is when God truly teaches us what faith is.  It is easy to have faith when you are on a mountain, but the place where faith can really grow is in the valleys of life.  God promises us that he won’t give us more than we can handle, but that doesn’t mean things will always be easy.  The lesson that God is teaching me is that the most difficult things in life are usually the most beautiful.  I know that every moment with Hudson will be such a blessing.  Maybe I would have taken things for granted otherwise.  I wonder if the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and crying would have eventually seemed frustrating before.  I can tell you that it will not now.  I will cherish every sleepless night with this amazing gift from God.  Every milestone Hudson reaches will be a victory, and I can’t wait to spend my life loving him.

Happy Easter

28 weeks

I heard this song from Group 1 Crew the other day and it really touched me so I wanted to share!

The Love of a Father

Update

Thank you all for being so patient even though I haven't updated the blog in a few days.  I have been a little sick and I am just now starting to feel better.  We got some great news that the amniocentesis results were all normal.  We also had our first appointment with the maternal fetal specialist at UAB.  Hudson's heart looked pretty much as expected at this targeted ultrasound.  This physician is part of the group of high-risk OB's at UAB that will deliver Hudson.  We have another OB appointment tomorrow which I will update on next week.  Jamey and I also had the opportunity to tour the cardiac intensive care unit at Children's Hospital where Hudson will be shortly after delivery.  We were both extremely impressed with the facility as well as the staff that we met.

I also want to thank every person who has prayed, called, messaged, and thought about Hudson and our family.  We have been overwhelmed with the kindness of so many people.  Since we have started this blog we have had over 4,200 views with people in 14 different countries hearing Hudson's story. Please continue to pray for healing for our son as well as peace for our family.

A Love Letter to Our Son

Hudson,

I know I’ve spent a lot of time talking about my feelings, but I wanted you to hear about someone else very special.  I know that soon your daddy will be the most important man in your life just like he is in mine.  I can’t wait for you to meet him and know how much he already loves you.  I want you to know what an exceptional person he is and the specific qualities that make him unique.  There are a million things that I love about him, but probably what I love the most about your daddy is his selfless spirit and his desire to be an obedient servant to our Lord.  After daddy and I dated for quite some time I found out that he had donated his own bone marrow to save the life of a complete stranger.  Years later the same lady had a relapse and he donated once again.  Daddy never did that so that he could brag about it.  In fact I don’t even think he is the person that told me; he simply wanted to help someone else in need.  He also works with the Dream Center at church to help people living in underprivileged neighborhoods. Daddy is the kind of person that would help anyone.

Your daddy always has supported me in achieving whatever dreams I have for myself.  He and I will both support you throughout your life.  We believe that you can do anything!  Daddy loves us both unconditionally and forever, and we will always be able to depend on him to support our family spiritually, physically, and financially.  We are both praying for you every single day and thinking of you constantly.  As you grow up I know that you will begin to understand why your daddy is my hero, and I’m sure one day he will be your hero too!  I love you more than words can express.

Love,

Mommy

Hudson's Daddy 

Announcing the pregnancy to family

When We are Weak, He is Strong

Macmillan Dictionary defines strength as the ability of something to support a force or weight without breaking.  Accepting the diagnosis of HLHS for Hudson is like a weight I cannot even begin to explain.  I wish I could say that as each day goes by it gets easier, but honestly it's not true.  Every day brings tears, but also joys like feeling my sweet baby boy kicking or moving around.

In many ways I am a very weak person.  I am scared of silly things like heights, but I am also scared of much bigger things like cancer.  When I hear about people going through immense struggles in their lives the first thing I think is how sorry I am that they are going through such difficult circumstances, but usually the second thought is I'm not sure I could do it.  If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I could handle something like this I would have said no way.  The truth is even today if I were alone I couldn't do it.  My husband and I have a wonderful support system in our family, friends, and church, but even those people wouldn't be enough.  The only reason we are strong enough to handle this is because our Lord is carrying us in our weakness.

I have always loved the story about the footprints in the sand.  One night a man had a dream.  He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.  Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.  For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:  one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.  When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.  He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.  He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.  This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it:  "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.  But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.  I don't understand why when I needed you the most you would leave me."  The Lord replied:  "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.  During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

We were never promised that this life would be easy, but what we were promised is that God would never abandon us.  Of course I am still scared, but I know that someone bigger than myself is in control.  Even this can be difficult for a control freak like myself.  One more thing that really scares me is that people will over time forget about Hudson's story and the prayers will eventually stop.  Please continue to pray for my son long-term.  Although we do not know how Hudson's story will play out, we do believe that God has something big in mind.

     I have attached this video which is a song called "Breaking My Fall" by Jeremy Camp that has a beautiful message about true strength.

Happy Valentine's Hudson!

22 weeks

A Baby's Heart and a Mother's Heartache

I wanted to start this blog to keep family and friends updated and also to allow the life of our precious baby Hudson to inspire others.  I plan on being very candid about the journey and raw emotions that come along with finding out that your baby has a congenital heart defect, as well as how our faith in Jesus Christ is helping us turn tragedy into triumph.

For those of you reading who do not know our story, I want to start at the beginning.  My husband and I struggled with infertility for 2 years before getting pregnant with Hudson.  It is heartbreaking to want a child so badly while watching so many others effortlessly have the one thing you want the most.  In no way was I anything but happy for people that were blessed with children, it was more just sadness for my husband and me.  In October 2012 we received the wonderful news we had waited so long to hear; we were pregnant with our first child.  We announced the pregnancy to our family at Thanksgiving and later sent out Christmas cards to let our friends know the good news.

All of our initial appointments with our reproductive endocrinologist and OB were great.  The baby was always very active at each ultrasound and the heartbeat was perfect.  On February 5th at our 20 week appointment everything seemed fine until the doctor came in and said that the ultrasound tech thought she saw fluid around the baby's heart and that my umbilical cord was 2 vessels instead of 3.  She said that everything still might be fine but we would need to see a fetal maternal specialist just in case.  Call it a mother's instinct, but I immediately knew something was very wrong.  After we saw the specialist he said that the baby had critical aortic stenosis.  This is where the aortic valve is so narrowed that the left ventricle is having to work too hard because of the high pressure it must overcome in order to pass the blood through such a narrow opening and deliver the blood to the rest of the body.  He told us about a clinical trial in Boston that is looking at a surgery that is performed on the baby's heart in utero.  Basically the surgeons try to put a balloon in the baby's heart which at this point is about the size of a grape.  This would open up the aorta and hopefully prevent the left ventricle from becoming so damaged that it is no longer functional (a condition known as hypoplastic left heart syndrome or HLHS).  He sent our information to Boston Children's Hospital, one of the premier pediatric cardiology centers in the country and one of the few places that performs fetal interventions, to see if we would qualify to be enrolled in the study.  Unfortunately the next day he called us back and said that Boston believed Hudson's heart was too damaged and that he would probably develop HLHS with or without the surgery.  When we found out we didn't qualify for the surgery I felt like all hope was gone, but God quickly showed me I was wrong.

After talking with some of my family, may aunt offered to call her next door neighbor who was a pediatric cardiologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB).  We ended up getting an appointment with him the following afternoon.  During the appointment Dr. Rob Romp confirmed the diagnosis of critical aortic stenosis and he also said that Hudson already had developed HLHS.  He basically at this point said once Hudson is born we have 3 options:  do no interventions, try to get a heart transplant, or consider a 3 surgery option that allows the right side of the heart to pump blood to the entire body instead of just the lungs.  Right now our plan is to proceed with the 3 surgery option which you can read about here AHA HLHS.  It doesn't seem like there are a lot of worse things than a doctor basically telling you that when your child is born, he will be born with only half of a functioning heart.  But as he spoke with us longer he told us that they have many patients that are thriving after undergoing these procedures.  Since the 1st surgery, the Norwood Procedure, was developed in the 80's, the oldest living survivors are late 20's or early 30's.  We had so many questions, but Dr. Romp never made us feel rushed.  Honestly he couldn't have been more compassionate.  When we left the office around 5:40 on Thursday night all of the office staff was gone.  As he walked us out of the office, my husband and I left with a sense of hope that maybe our sweet Hudson could survive this.

Currently we are still awaiting the remainder of the results from the amniocentesis that was performed, as well as getting appointments with some of the other specialists at UAB which is where we will deliver and where Hudson will have his surgeries.  This has been the most difficult week of my life, but I believe God gave us this special baby for a reason.  We are still praying for a miracle that God will heal our baby boy's heart, but we also know that God may answer our prayers differently than what we are expecting.  We both love Hudson so much already.  I wish his heart was not damaged, but I would not want any other baby because he is meant to be ours and I believe that God has great plans for this sweet baby.  Please pray for our son Hudson as well as for us to make the best decisions for our little boy.  If you would like to stay updated on our journey, please subscribe or bookmark our blog for weekly updates.