Christmas in Heaven

The holidays have been extremely difficult for our family.  I expected it to be tough, but I didn’t expect the pain of missing Hudson to take my breath away like it did right after his death.  There are days that I feel like I’m drowning, but thankfully the majority of days I feel God’s peace.

I wonder what its like in Heaven at Christmas.  I imagine Hudson joining in singing with a beautiful heavenly choir to celebrate our Savior’s birthday.  I’m sure joy radiates from Heaven all of the time, but I imagine it is extra special at Christmas.  What an incredible gift for a king to leave his perfect kingdom to come to a broken and hurting world and die for the sins of all of humanity.  I think about how much I miss Hudson and wish he was here with me, and when I step back from that it makes me think about how Jesus must hurt so much when we are distant from him.  He so desperately wants to be in our lives.  I’m in awe of the love that Jesus has for us, and I’m glad Hudson is experiencing that directly.  Christmas really is about God’s ultimate gift of love in the form of a baby boy.  I’m glad my son is in the arms of his son.

Even though there has been a lot of tragedy in the past year, there are so many things I am thankful for and I wanted to share them with you.

·      Jesus Christ for conquering death and pain in this world and providing a way for me to spend eternity with my creator and loved ones.

·      My incredible husband & Hudson’s amazing Dada.  I’m not sure how I could have done it without you.  You are my perfect match.

·      Our family for supporting us throughout our entire journey with Hudson and especially lately for being so respectful of changing holiday traditions to make it a little easier on us.

·      Incredible friends that have prayed, called, messaged, sent cards and flowers and gifts.  I am thankful for having people in my life that didn’t abandon us when things were ugly, uncomfortable, and awkward.  You have held our hands and wiped our tears, let us talk about Hudson and continue to remember our precious son.  I’m thankful that my friends haven’t given up on me when I probably only respond to their calls and messages less than half of the time. 

·      Hudson’s entire medical team.  You inspire me and are changing lives on a daily basis.  Thank you for giving me the best 23 months of my life.

·      Our church for the amazing support they have offered us.  I’m also so appreciative of the way they took charge of Hudson’s memorial service and made it more special than I could have ever hoped for.

·      Our work families for supporting us and allowing Hudson to take first priority over work obligations. 

·      I am so blown away and thankful for everyone that participated in the first annual Hudson’s Day of Kindness on June 25^th.  Thank you for helping me tell my son’s story and keep his memory alive.  I hope you will continue this tradition with us every year.

·      Thank you to everyone that has donated to Children’s of Alabama in Hudson’s memory.  This memorial fund will remain open indefinitely and every time someone specifies the name Hudson Simmons, 100% of the proceeds will go to life-saving research for other children affected by congenital heart defects and heart problems.  To date we have raised over $9,000 to change the lives of heart families at Children’s of Alabama and hopefully around the world.  Thank you for caring about something that we are so passionate about. 

·      Last but certainly not least is my son, Hudson.  Thank you for making me a mother.  I love you with a fierceness that I didn’t realize existed.  You made me better, more compassionate, more aware, more loving.  You are my greatest accomplishment and the very best part of me.  I can’t wait until the day that we are running into each other’s arms again.  I love you forever Hudson.  Merry Christmas my sweet love!

Hudson's 1st Christmas - 6 months old

Finding Hope In The Midst Of Grief

It’s been three months.  Three months since I’ve kissed his sweet face, three months since I’ve held him, three months since I’ve run my hands through his precious curly hair and three months since I’ve heard him say those heart-melting words “I love you MomMom.”  I miss him so much and no amount of time will ever change that.  It feels like an eternity since I have seen him even though it really hasn’t been that long at all.  Just like anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one, I have good moments and also moments of intense grief where it’s a struggle just to breathe.  In the midst of the good and bad, I still feel hope and peace.  Through it all there is still that quiet voice I feel in my heart telling me I love you and I will never leave you.  I am God in life and I am still God in death.

After finding out Hudson’s diagnosis of HLHS, I remember the devastation I felt and holding on to hope of a miracle.  I prayed Hudson’s heart would be physically healed before he was born.  When it wasn’t, I prayed for him to survive the Norwood surgery.  After he made it through the Norwood I started praying that he would live a long, healthy, and happy life.  I think one of the reasons people have such a difficult time accepting that Jesus is the Savior of the world is because they can’t grasp how he could allow tragedy to occur.  Also I think sometimes Christians give up on their faith when they have remained faithful in belief and prayer, but still feel like Jesus abandoned them.  At the very beginning of our journey before Hudson was even born, I really struggled with the why’s of our situation.  In my mind the very worst-case scenario was that Hudson wouldn’t survive.  Even about 6 months ago I was dealing with anxiety about Hudson’s heart and his long-term prognosis.  As I was discussing this with a physician, I remember him saying that I had to accept the fact that I would probably outlive my child.  I broke down and basically had a panic attack in the office because I was so scared that he might be right and I didn’t feel like I could ever survive something like that.  Looking back I realize that I was trying to deal with my greatest fear by myself.  Now that my worst fear has actually come true, it’s crazy how much calmer and at peace I am with everything.  The reason for this is because Jesus is giving me his peace and comfort.  You see it is a lie that if you pray hard enough or if you live a moral life that everything will be fine.  Jesus does still save us and heal every part of our lives, but that isn’t promised here on Earth.  His promise for us is in Heaven.  I wish Hudson’s heart had been healed here on Earth, but I know that he is healed in Heaven.  God is God in life and he is God in death.  Unfortunately we do live in a broken world and the ways of this world are not his ways, but Jesus is still here loving, holding, and carrying us through the brokenness.

There is so much freedom in God’s promise of Heaven through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  The days here on Earth without Hudson are very difficult, but I believe God’s word.  I am finding my hope at the cross, the place where God allowed his son to die to save humanity.  Even at the cross God could have stopped the tragedy of his son dying, but instead because of his great love he choose to give his life so that we could have eternal life.  We don’t always understand why things happen the way that they do, but I believe that good can come out of the most tragic of situations.  I miss Hudson so much, but I know that I will see my precious son again and that this life is not the end.  Jesus is holding my head up when I don’t have the strength to, and he is reminding me who he is and who I am.  He is my Savior and I am his child.  He is the God in life and death.  He is the ultimate healer and has made Hudson whole and perfect.  Don’t let religion, politics, and hypocrisy of people take away from who you believe God is and the most important relationship you could ever have.  I believe Jesus is relentlessly pursuing us all and that he wants to know us personally.  Jesus loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime.

God’s Truths:

Revelation 21:4 – And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death nor sorrow nor crying for the former things have passed away.

Isaiah 43:2 – When you go through deep waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep you over.

Titus 3:5 – He saved us not because of righteous things we have done but because of his mercy.  He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 145:9 – The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made

Isaiah 49:15-16 – I will not forget you.  I have written your name on the palms of my hands.

Romans 8:18 – Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

I Hope You Dance

Thank you so much to everyone who participated in Hudson’s Day of Kindness on June 25^th.  The response was overwhelming and so inspiring to me, and I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate Hudson’s birthday in Heaven.  I can just see him laughing and dancing and enjoying all of the incredible kindness that was spread in his honor that day.  We are making this an annual tradition and would love to have everyone be a part of it in the years to come.

Hudson was a child filled with joy.  He loved life and made the best out of every situation.  One of Hudson’s favorite things to do was dance.  Anytime he heard music he would start dancing, whether we were at home or out in public.  One day at the zoo we were walking along the sidewalk to go see some of the animals, and all of a sudden he just stopped and started dancing to the music that was playing in the background.  The zoo was packed and people were passing us on both sides, but I didn’t stop him or try to get him to move over.  I loved that he was truly living in the moment.  He taught me a very valuable lesson at the zoo that day.  Don’t worry about what everyone else is thinking, and don’t let fear stop you from enjoying life.  Dance, love, laugh, be silly and cherish the small moments.  When it’s all over the little things are what you will miss the most.

At Hudson’s memorial service, our pastor surprised us with an impromptu dance session.  It was perfect and just what Hudson would have wanted.  Everyone there learned Hudson’s three signature dance moves and we danced together for him.  I wanted to share a video I took several months ago on my cell phone of Hudson dancing.  It makes me smile every time I watch it and reminds me to stop and recognize the beautiful small moments that make up life.

I hope you dance.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4mfAlWPs28TT1RxdGZsSnZyTTA/view?usp=sharing

Happy 2nd Birthday Hudson

If this is your first time to visit our blog thank you for taking time to check it out.  I started this blog when I was pregnant with our first and only child.  We found out at 20 weeks that our son Hudson would be born with a complex congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS), which meant he would be born with only half of a functioning heart.  The truth is we never knew if we would ever bring our baby home or if he would survive the first of the 3 operations that were required to give him a chance at life.  There were some very close calls early on, but Hudson did survive.  In fact he just didn’t survive, Hudson thrived.

Hudson was a miracle from the very beginning.  This beautiful child with half of a heart changed my life forever and the lives of so many others.  Hudson was so full of joy.  He really loved life and made the most of every moment.  Unless you saw the scar that ran down the front of his chest, you would never have known that anything was wrong.  Hudson was full of energy and he loved to dance, sing, and play all the time.

A few weeks ago my life changed forever.  My precious baby boy passed away unexpectedly in the arms of his earthly father and went straight into the arms of his heavenly father.  We miss Hudson every moment, but this life is not the end.  We will be reunited again with our son in Heaven.  Today is Hudson’s 2^nd birthday.  We wanted to do something special to honor him and we thought starting an annual tradition of Hudson’s Day of Kindness would make our sweet boy proud.

I hope if you received a card today and someone was kind to you that you would consider passing it on.  I also hope you know that you are loved by a Savior that died on a cross so that he could have a relationship with you.  We hope that Hudson’s legacy will be one of remembering what’s important both in this life and our eternal life.  We know that Hudson is celebrating his 2^nd birthday this year with Jesus.  While we wish Hudson was here with us, we know that his heart has been healed and he is with the only one that loves him more than we can. 

Happy 2^nd birthday my precious son.  

I love you forever and can’t wait until I can hold you in my arms again!

Link to Hudson's Day of Kindness Cards:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4mfAlWPs28TS1FOU19yVS1LTFU/view?usp=sharing


Photo Credit: HMP Studios

Hudson's Day of Kindness

On Wednesday, June 3^rd we had the most beautiful memorial service to honor the incredible life of our precious son Hudson.  Hudson spent 23 months and 5 days on this Earth before going to his eternal home in Heaven.  On June 25^th, Hudson would have been 2 years old.  We want to start an annual tradition of a day to remember Hudson with random acts of kindness to celebrate his birthday.  We are asking anyone, anywhere to join with us in keeping Hudson’s legacy alive.  I have attached a PDF with Hudson’s Day of Kindness cards front and back so that anyone can print them out.  There are 4 cards to a page and the back of the cards is in the link as a second page but you can just turn the paper around in the printer to print the back.  Please feel free to pass out as many as you would like on June 25^th while performing random acts of kindness.  Thank you in advance for helping us celebrate our sweet son’s birthday while being kind to others.

If anyone is interested in making a donation to help fund life-saving research for other children born with congenital heart defects (CHDs), you can make a donation to Children’s Hospital of Alabama in memory of Hudson Simmons.  If you specify Hudson's name, 100% of the proceeds will go to CHD research.  Donations can be made online at childrensal.org or by mail to the following address: 

Attn: Peggy Darby

Children's of Alabama Foundation

1600 7th Ave South

Birmingham, AL  35233

Link to Hudson's Day of Kindness Cards:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4mfAlWPs28TS1FOU19yVS1LTFU/view?usp=sharing

There's No Place Like Home

On Saturday morning Hudson went to his eternal home in Heaven.  It was as much of a shock to us as to everyone else.  He had been a little under the weather with a minor ear infection, but nothing serious.  In fact Hudson has been doing great for quite a while now.  His last cardiologist appointment in February couldn't have gone any better and we had seen our pediatrician this past week.  

Hudson passed away instantaneously in the arms of his daddy most likely from a cardiac arrhythmia. He didn't suffer and left this world in the arms of his Earthly father and then went straight into the arms of his Heavenly father.  We are devastated of course and feel like our hearts are broken in a way that will never be healed until we see him again.  We are taking this journey one step at a time and find great peace in knowing he is in Heaven with a perfect heart and that we will see him again.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."    Psalm 73:26

We would love to have anyone join us for a service to remember Hudson's beautiful life.

Memorial Service:

Wednesday June 3, 2015 @ 1:00 PM

Church of the Highlands Chapel

5901 Overton Road Birmingham, AL  35210